back of the bus playlists

like the characters in the increasingly addictive Lost, it's been three years since ive left the island. not an actual time-travelling, role-reversing, medically-unpredictable island, but the island that was EIE.
and though three years is a long time and much has happened since, for the first time since then, i feel truly full. full of good people and intense conversations. full of laughter and tears. full of food and of hugs. full of life and love and inspiration.
sure, i'm not climbing mountains or solidifying friendships on picnic blankets or skipping class to drink milkshakes (well, actually i have done that) or sneaking in kisses between classes. but i am staying up too late and going on adventures and making messes and cleaning them up and sharing music on a futon and laughing until my belly hurts.
and thats whats important. the fact that i am once again able to share the same types of relationships that i used to be able to. that despite last year's various setbacks, ive been able to relapse and mold into this newer version of my old self. and the people that i met then, the experience that i had then...those things will always come first in my heart. but the fact that i've regained the ability to be that person--for better or for worse--is such a big step for me.
and so, like kate and locke and sawyer and the rest of the gang, i sometimes long for the old version of myself. but what i've collected from the present times, flashbacks, and even what feels like flashforwards, is a person who is finally finding her niche.