im never as good as when you're here

its been the kind of week where i really need a post like this. a post of amazing reminders and overwhelmingly blissful syllables at a time where suddenly the world makes a lot less sense. so here's a compliation of some stuff ive found while stumblingupon. i hope i dont have other weeks like this where i need to find it, but its here.

"One of my philosophy professors lectured wildly about love once, yelling: “When you’re in love with someone, that person is the lighthouse of your universe.” (I scrawled it inside Science and Poetry in pencil—lighthouse of your universe—as if I would ever forget that phrase.) He was a delightful caricature of his position. I could swear he literally tore his hair out while howling at us. He went on, “Nothing means as much without that person.”
One of the men in the class repeated, incredulous, half-laughing “so you’re saying you can’t enjoy, like, a vacation, without someone if you’re really in love with them?”
“Of course not.” the professor replied. “Not completely. You recognize beauty, but beauty means less if they don’t witness it with you. Beauty is less. You see something sublime and your first thought is that they should be there with you. It’s not as good without them. They illuminate. They make everything more."

"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened—or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."
— Tupac Shakur

"Someday, someone is going to walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else. "

"I guess I’m just sort of in the mood to have a crush on somebody where it can’t hurt too much."

"There are moments when it’s too quiet. Particularly late at night or early in the mornings. That’s when you know there’s something lacking in your life. You just know." --frank sinatra

"S,

I wish I knew what to do with you.

— J"


i'm sure there will be more, but for now this is what it is.

back of the bus playlists

like the characters in the increasingly addictive Lost, it's been three years since ive left the island. not an actual time-travelling, role-reversing, medically-unpredictable island, but the island that was EIE.
and though three years is a long time and much has happened since, for the first time since then, i feel truly full. full of good people and intense conversations. full of laughter and tears. full of food and of hugs. full of life and love and inspiration.
sure, i'm not climbing mountains or solidifying friendships on picnic blankets or skipping class to drink milkshakes (well, actually i have done that) or sneaking in kisses between classes. but i am staying up too late and going on adventures and making messes and cleaning them up and sharing music on a futon and laughing until my belly hurts.
and thats whats important. the fact that i am once again able to share the same types of relationships that i used to be able to. that despite last year's various setbacks, ive been able to relapse and mold into this newer version of my old self. and the people that i met then, the experience that i had then...those things will always come first in my heart. but the fact that i've regained the ability to be that person--for better or for worse--is such a big step for me.
and so, like kate and locke and sawyer and the rest of the gang, i sometimes long for the old version of myself. but what i've collected from the present times, flashbacks, and even what feels like flashforwards, is a person who is finally finding her niche.