...in ohio, california, or wherever...

I just got two pink Mentos in a row. If that’s not good luck and good karma, I don’t know what is. Whoa. Third pink Mento in a row. Is Mentos singular or is Mento grammatically correct? Anyway. I’m listening to one of my favorite songs on a mix I made for one of my favorite people, and the sun is rising.
This weekend is a stretch for me. It’s a practice in (FOUR PINK MENTOS!?) character. I am fully prepared to take it on, to prove that I am able to bounce back from a mistake. Despite my minor panic attack last night, I believe that I’m at my most able and willing to take this challenge on.
The boy thinks I have Corey Matthews Syndrome, where I need to be liked by everyone. I’d like to think I’m not suffering from this disease, but knowing that I have the opportunity to begin to make things better does give me a sense of redemption and enlightenment. There’s a part of me that thinks that I have a snowball’s chance in hell of actually righting my wrongs, but all I can do is try, right?
Then there’s school stuff. In on week, I will no longer be a student at Clark University. If I told myself when I applied that I would be saying that before three years from now, I’d be absolutely flabbergasted (yep, flabbergasted).
I applied early to a school I thought I adored. I invested myself in an institution that I thought I loved. But the thing is, I’m in no way bitter. I truly believe that had I started my college journey at IU (or anywhere else, for that matter), I would have been devastatingly unhappy. Those who know me well can argue that I’ve been struggling with that here anyway. I really, though, think that this all goes back to good old rule number 8. I’m nervous and scared and unsure and thrilled.
I couldn’t have asked for a better Elliot Reid to my JD this year, but the idea of being able to have lunch with a different person every day for a month if I wanted to is so nice. Seriously I cannot say enough for having “a person.” I don’t even watch Grey’s Anatomy, but I still understand the importance of one. But to be at a place where I can either re-connect with old friends or make completely new ones. I just feel…free. And with freedom comes absolutely stunning terror, but also fresh air. I’m ready to take a deep breath.
This is probably my last post from Clark, which is kind of odd considering it’s 5:41 AM and I’m sitting in terminal A of Logan International Airport (which, by the way, is completely lacking in anything remotely close to Kosher for Passover. I had Mentos and a Diet Coke. Don’t tell the big guy.) Over the course of the last 15 minutes of me writing this, the sun has come up.
The last time I truly remember sitting at watching the sunrise was on Yam L’Yam. Come to think of it, it was probably the only memorable-in-a-good-way part of Yam L’Yam. Sometimes the big things just get to me. I’m overwhelmed by being so freaking small and suddenly the huge aforementioned problems I was having seem miniscule. I feel silly for even being worried. I look around at the beer-bellied polo shirt wearer and the business man with a look of concern and the girls’-weekend-outers to my left. I wonder what they’re nervous about. The world is really big. The cycle continues.

sometimes i'm ok with mondays

Internet-less last weekend, i found myself rummaging through old files on my computer. i wasnt really sure what i was looking for, but i came across this. part of me is upset because i feel like ive let the girl who wrote the following passage down, and part of me is optimistic that i know she's still in here. either way, i dont think we ever ended up putting senior shout outs in the paper (what this was supposed to be written for, i think), so id at least like it to be out in the universe in this context.


Its raining a little bit. Not the kind of panicky, desperate, sudden rain. The rain that sneaks up on you. Suddenly you hear the drops dance, they bounce, they land. This rain is ending a perfect day. Not perfect in the traditional sense. I woke up at 6:23. I pretended to brush my hair and, in the three minutes I had left before leaving for the car, scarfed down a bowl of Honey-Nut Cheerios. I went to my five classes. Not the your average vision of true bliss here. But. Something about today.
Its one of those days I’m not sure whether ten years from now I’ll remember or forget. It wasn’t epic. It wasn’t big. It just was. It’s days like this that, whether I remember them specifically or not, I’ll miss. I’ll miss meeting my friends at Steak and Shake. Friends I haven’t seen for a year. Friends I haven‘t seen since eight o‘clock this morning. Making each other laugh. Real, important conversations disguised as silly ones. I’ll miss whatever it was that I felt today when I finalized a design for one of the senior mag pages. I’ll miss the “hey whats up?” in the hallway, the communal longing to just be outside instead of in class.
These are feelings I know I’ll take advantage of in college. I know that I’ll walk around on campus, iPod on, head in the clouds. I’ll wave and greet and hug without making an effort. I’ll do the crossword puzzle, leave the room without a pass, and go to my dorm room without seeking permission. I recognize that at some point in the near future I’ll possibly forget all of this experience and knowledge I’ve gained about the angst-ridden teenage life. My hope is that I don’t.
Im sure by now you’re reading and waiting for a culmination that either incorporates the metaphorical, aforementioned rain or serves as a thank you for everyone and everything that has happened to me during the last four years.
I’m leaving you with neither. My only request during the next one, two, or three years that you have left in high school is to carpe diem, seize the day. Whether for you that means going to the football games, taking an extra AP, or trying out for a play.
As a general philosophy, I try not to regret my decisions or lack thereof. I think that I’m fairly successful. I wish that same success for you.

singing, screaming, kissing, tugging.

i just deleted about a paragraph and a half of bad and negative and sad thoughts. but now that i deleted it, it no longer exists. and i think that my real self should follow my blog self and do that in the real world to. so. goodbye bad things. goodbye monsters under my bed and uncomfortable situations and mean thoughts. im done with you. you are bad for my complexion. i will let myself be sad sometimes, but i promise i will try to focus on the happy and silly and wonderful.

for instance, in 26 days, i will be playing speed scrabble with the coolest kid in the universe. and also, the boy that i have a crush on flew three hours this weekend to hold my hand at a concert and eat chinese food on my dorm room floor. and also, i think that the guy was just being rude to me at the coffee shop today because he was trying to flirt with me. and also, tonight the wrap that i get every time we go to the caf tasted a little bit yummier. and also, i got accepted to IU today. and also, i am going to wear sundresses all weekend in georgia. and also, i am smiling.

stumbling upon happiness

so.
its one of those days. those good days that pave the way for good things.

today, i got the call i was hoping for, with the news i was waiting for, and i really feel as though this is right. i feel relieved and surprised and content.

i get to see one of my favorites tonight. the boy who makes me feel like me. who laughs with me at blogs and the OC and Cool Ideas, even though we really just like spending the time together.

yesterday i downloaded stumbleupon.com. its my newest obsession and the reason why i've spent four of the last 24 hours in front of my computer.

the website led me to this: http://www.sleeptrip.com/300loveletters/2.html
its like postsecret but consistantly happy and hopeful and beautiful.

its just...its just good. things right now are good. april has always been better for me than march and this year is no different so far. lets see what happens.

six forty-three p.m.

three strange things happened to me in the last thirty seconds. all in their own quirky ways, maybe they were trying to signify something important.

the first: i, for the first time in my eight year pogo.com career, popped every single poppit balloon in the game. they awarded me 750 points and a whole lot of dignity.

the second: an old friend, one that met me as i acting talent-less-ly entered the theater at the beginning of sophomore year with a big freaking smile on my face, imed me. we havent talked in a really long time and my life has changed so much since then i dont even know where to start. im intrigued by the challenge.

the third: my sister just texted me with the information that in two weeks and two days, she'll be a teenager. this queen of her middle school will be thirteen.

maybe they dont actually connect or mean anything, but im having the kind of day where id like to think that maybe they do.