i was going to write about last night's discovery that my sister had opened (not opened, burned the candle to find out what was inside of) the root beer bottle full of notes from my fellow cabin 10-ers at GUCI four summers ago. i was going to say how she "accidentally" threw away all of the notes because she didnt realize how important they were. i was going to mention the metaphorical significance of someone else throwing away these memories and how i had been waiting for years to open them and hadn't found the right time. i was going to acknowledge that this led me to find that my journal from middle school was REALLY easily accessible and that she probably could have read that too. i was going to then explain that i spent the half hour after the bottle incident reading my old journal and finding it to be absolutely hilarious, such as the fact that under "my perfect perfect perfect perfect guy" was "doesnt talk during the good parts of movies, even if he's seen them." yep, i actually wrote that.
but then i realized that it wasnt all that interesting, and i just summed up everything that happened anyway.
in other news, im going to be in israel right now in a week.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
hey lookie! i wrote this!
Parashat Sh’mot (Exodus 1:1 to 6:1): The Importance of Names: Who do we create a future based on history?
By Emily Harry
E-M-I-L-Y. The five letters that my parents thought would most accurately represent my personality. The subject of songs by Simon & Garfunkel, Bowling for Soup and Keller Williams. The name of fifteen other Emily’s in Clark University’s (580 member) Class of 2011.
By now, after having the most popular girl’s name in America every year since 1995, I’m used to my unoriginal label. I’ve already been in and out of the stage since 6th grade when I started spelling my name with a backwards “E” because I was bored with the ordinary way. When I was 3 and my parents asked me what my sister’s name should be, I replied, “Mrs. Butterworth,” in what I’d like to think was a fit of rebellion from my boring and conventional title.
However, sometime in between my acknowledgement that my new sister was named Katherine as opposed to a breakfast condiment and now, my feelings about my name have changed. Learning the history behind why my parents chose this collection of syllables for me has changed my perspective completely.
As Jews of eastern European descent, it is traditional to name a child after someone close to us, either a relative or a friend, who has passed away. In my case, I’m honored to be named after both. My great-great grandmother on my father’s side was named Ellen. Her best friend was named Tess. I, Emily Tess Harry, am named after a friendship—a connection between two people so moving that every time I write my name on the top of my homework, I’m strengthening a multi-generational bond.
That last statement may seem a little melodramatic, but in this week’s Parashat Sh’mot, the importance of names is abundantly clear. In Exodus 1:21, Pharaoh punishes the Israelites by instructing that every son shall be killed and every daughter shall live. By wiping out the name of the father, not only is the Pharaoh damaging the population of the Jewish people in terms of numbers, but he’s damaging the population based on a fundamental principle concerning the importance of names.
The rest of this story has to do with the upbringing of Moses. In the epic burning bush scene, Moses asks God for God’s name and God replies, “ Ehyeh-Asher-Ehyeh,” generally translated as, “I am that I am.” (Exodus 3:14) This is one of the most famous scenes in the Torah, and has provoked a huge assortment of interesting commentary from multiple religions.
It’s incredibly eye opening to look back every once in a while and acknowledge the significance of this concept not only within your family tree, but also within the context of the entire Jewish people.
R E L A T E D Q U E S T I O N S
Why does God reply with “I am that I am” instead of a specific name?
We all learned in Sunday School that there are several acceptable names for God. So why at this time, in the presence of Moses, does God not use any of those names that we have heard before? I tend to believe that this new name creates a state of an eternal being, of timelessness. There has been a lot of debate throughout history as to the tense of the phrase, whether it’s present, present perfect, all that fun stuff. God’s conversation with Moses in this instance is overwhelming with importance, which is reflected in the way the name is stated.
What if my name isn’t based on something biblical or historical?
Obviously not all of us have a popular name that was picked out based on specific people or for specific reasons. Maybe our parents just liked the way it sounded. Any way you look at it though, there’s going to be a background story. There’s no less validity in a name that was picked at random, and if anything, it allows you the opportunity to create your own history from scratch.
T A K I N G A C T I O N
Do some research!
Don’t just sit there; find out something interesting about yourself. Next to your inevitably open Facebook window, create a new tab and type your name into Google. If you’re someone like me who generally gets something unrelated (“…Emily says, “Harry Potter…”), try some of the websites in the resources section to find out about your ancestry.
If you’re feeling really experimental, sit down at breakfast or dinner with your parents and talk about your names. Since they are the ones that chose them, they’re likely to have the answers and anecdotes that you’re looking for. Don’t be afraid to let that information lead to a longer conversation about where their names came from, where your siblings’ names came from, where their pets’ names came from. The possibilities are endless.
Create a name for yourself!
Although it’s common for us to focus on the history of a name, don’t forget about the future. Your name and signature are something that are specifically yours and identify you as an individual. Take pride in that! One of my favorite parts of Judaism is the incredible importance that we place on what our families and our people will take from us after we are no longer here. Exodus 3:16 states, “This is My name forever, and this is My memorial unto all generations.” I’m a carpe diem kind of girl, but I also try to keep in mind that I want to be someone whose great-great granddaughter would be proud to share my name.
i T O R A H L I S H M A H
Which is more important, the name that your parents give you or the name that you earn yourself?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Emily Harry, currently serving as NFTY MCVP, is a freshman at Clark University where she is studying Communication and Culture. Last year she served as Ohio Valley's North MVP, engaging the region in academically significant activities such as a monster truck rally in Cincinnati, Ohio. She has attended Goldman Union Camp Institute, been an enthusiastic member of the Kutz Camp community as both participant and staff and spent 4 months in Israel on the Eisendrath International Exchange. Emily is excited to have worn her too-big-for-her-face sunglasses in San Diego for the NFTY Leaders Assembly at the URJ Biennial and enjoyed seeing some of you there!
By Emily Harry
E-M-I-L-Y. The five letters that my parents thought would most accurately represent my personality. The subject of songs by Simon & Garfunkel, Bowling for Soup and Keller Williams. The name of fifteen other Emily’s in Clark University’s (580 member) Class of 2011.
By now, after having the most popular girl’s name in America every year since 1995, I’m used to my unoriginal label. I’ve already been in and out of the stage since 6th grade when I started spelling my name with a backwards “E” because I was bored with the ordinary way. When I was 3 and my parents asked me what my sister’s name should be, I replied, “Mrs. Butterworth,” in what I’d like to think was a fit of rebellion from my boring and conventional title.
However, sometime in between my acknowledgement that my new sister was named Katherine as opposed to a breakfast condiment and now, my feelings about my name have changed. Learning the history behind why my parents chose this collection of syllables for me has changed my perspective completely.
As Jews of eastern European descent, it is traditional to name a child after someone close to us, either a relative or a friend, who has passed away. In my case, I’m honored to be named after both. My great-great grandmother on my father’s side was named Ellen. Her best friend was named Tess. I, Emily Tess Harry, am named after a friendship—a connection between two people so moving that every time I write my name on the top of my homework, I’m strengthening a multi-generational bond.
That last statement may seem a little melodramatic, but in this week’s Parashat Sh’mot, the importance of names is abundantly clear. In Exodus 1:21, Pharaoh punishes the Israelites by instructing that every son shall be killed and every daughter shall live. By wiping out the name of the father, not only is the Pharaoh damaging the population of the Jewish people in terms of numbers, but he’s damaging the population based on a fundamental principle concerning the importance of names.
The rest of this story has to do with the upbringing of Moses. In the epic burning bush scene, Moses asks God for God’s name and God replies, “ Ehyeh-Asher-Ehyeh,” generally translated as, “I am that I am.” (Exodus 3:14) This is one of the most famous scenes in the Torah, and has provoked a huge assortment of interesting commentary from multiple religions.
It’s incredibly eye opening to look back every once in a while and acknowledge the significance of this concept not only within your family tree, but also within the context of the entire Jewish people.
R E L A T E D Q U E S T I O N S
Why does God reply with “I am that I am” instead of a specific name?
We all learned in Sunday School that there are several acceptable names for God. So why at this time, in the presence of Moses, does God not use any of those names that we have heard before? I tend to believe that this new name creates a state of an eternal being, of timelessness. There has been a lot of debate throughout history as to the tense of the phrase, whether it’s present, present perfect, all that fun stuff. God’s conversation with Moses in this instance is overwhelming with importance, which is reflected in the way the name is stated.
What if my name isn’t based on something biblical or historical?
Obviously not all of us have a popular name that was picked out based on specific people or for specific reasons. Maybe our parents just liked the way it sounded. Any way you look at it though, there’s going to be a background story. There’s no less validity in a name that was picked at random, and if anything, it allows you the opportunity to create your own history from scratch.
T A K I N G A C T I O N
Do some research!
Don’t just sit there; find out something interesting about yourself. Next to your inevitably open Facebook window, create a new tab and type your name into Google. If you’re someone like me who generally gets something unrelated (“…Emily says, “Harry Potter…”), try some of the websites in the resources section to find out about your ancestry.
If you’re feeling really experimental, sit down at breakfast or dinner with your parents and talk about your names. Since they are the ones that chose them, they’re likely to have the answers and anecdotes that you’re looking for. Don’t be afraid to let that information lead to a longer conversation about where their names came from, where your siblings’ names came from, where their pets’ names came from. The possibilities are endless.
Create a name for yourself!
Although it’s common for us to focus on the history of a name, don’t forget about the future. Your name and signature are something that are specifically yours and identify you as an individual. Take pride in that! One of my favorite parts of Judaism is the incredible importance that we place on what our families and our people will take from us after we are no longer here. Exodus 3:16 states, “This is My name forever, and this is My memorial unto all generations.” I’m a carpe diem kind of girl, but I also try to keep in mind that I want to be someone whose great-great granddaughter would be proud to share my name.
i T O R A H L I S H M A H
Which is more important, the name that your parents give you or the name that you earn yourself?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Emily Harry, currently serving as NFTY MCVP, is a freshman at Clark University where she is studying Communication and Culture. Last year she served as Ohio Valley's North MVP, engaging the region in academically significant activities such as a monster truck rally in Cincinnati, Ohio. She has attended Goldman Union Camp Institute, been an enthusiastic member of the Kutz Camp community as both participant and staff and spent 4 months in Israel on the Eisendrath International Exchange. Emily is excited to have worn her too-big-for-her-face sunglasses in San Diego for the NFTY Leaders Assembly at the URJ Biennial and enjoyed seeing some of you there!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
the things that i learned this week
1. that spitting off of a balcony and into the infinite abyss of the marriot moat is a bad idea. melanie will find you and hunt you down. so will juan. the colored goldfish crackers in the box do not need to be set free to make friends with the real life goldfish in the water. they just dont.
2. the U.S.S. Bunker Hill consists of a lovely group of people, most of whom have excellent taste in music, enjoy more alcoholic beverages than they can handle, and really, really like zach's jacket.
3. a venti java chip light frap consists of: 300 calories, 7 grams of fat, and 20% of the daily recommended dose of calcium. im going to die young, and im going to die happy. who'd have thought that love could be so caffinated?
4. if lunch is salmon, survey says: desert will be too.
5. knowing three minutes before you go on stage in front of 5,000 people is actually more fun than being prepared for it. especially when you arent wearing real pants.
6. isaac will eventually hug you. you dont think hes going to. but no, of course, you dont give up. you dont get discouraged. you keep trying. he WILL hug you.
7. the v of rj's love my outfit.
8. it wasnt really charlie's fault. nameless british older brother totally was asking for it. asshole.
9. ballet fairy tales are real. except, they dont tell you the whole story. they dont tell you that clara didnt actually find the nutcracker under her christmas tree. oh no. they dont tell you that he actually showed up in an elevator, a sign from yoffie himself, telling us all to have a happy and healthy holiday season.
10. that even though there were times when i thought "why me? how could anyone have possibly wanted me to be the one standing here, pantsless, among these amazing and inspiring people? what were they thinking?" and even though i wasnt as prepared as i wished i was in terms of knowing the schedule or getting people's attention or being as good as i can be, i still consider this a success.
i know that my cheeks hurt from laughing so hard.
2. the U.S.S. Bunker Hill consists of a lovely group of people, most of whom have excellent taste in music, enjoy more alcoholic beverages than they can handle, and really, really like zach's jacket.
3. a venti java chip light frap consists of: 300 calories, 7 grams of fat, and 20% of the daily recommended dose of calcium. im going to die young, and im going to die happy. who'd have thought that love could be so caffinated?
4. if lunch is salmon, survey says: desert will be too.
5. knowing three minutes before you go on stage in front of 5,000 people is actually more fun than being prepared for it. especially when you arent wearing real pants.
6. isaac will eventually hug you. you dont think hes going to. but no, of course, you dont give up. you dont get discouraged. you keep trying. he WILL hug you.
7. the v of rj's love my outfit.
8. it wasnt really charlie's fault. nameless british older brother totally was asking for it. asshole.
9. ballet fairy tales are real. except, they dont tell you the whole story. they dont tell you that clara didnt actually find the nutcracker under her christmas tree. oh no. they dont tell you that he actually showed up in an elevator, a sign from yoffie himself, telling us all to have a happy and healthy holiday season.
10. that even though there were times when i thought "why me? how could anyone have possibly wanted me to be the one standing here, pantsless, among these amazing and inspiring people? what were they thinking?" and even though i wasnt as prepared as i wished i was in terms of knowing the schedule or getting people's attention or being as good as i can be, i still consider this a success.
i know that my cheeks hurt from laughing so hard.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
there are no leaves on these trees.
i've always been one for anticipation. i cant help it. and instead of trying to convey the reasons why in my own words--i'll just steal Jonathan Safran Foer's again:
“I like to see people reunited, maybe that’s a silly thing, but what can I say, I like to see peole run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouths cant tell fast enough, the ears that arent big enough, the eyes that cant take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone”
i'll never be the kind of person who could have everyone i love in one room, all together. not that im saying im this super popular person, but so far ive lead my life in small doses. i'm committed to the things that i do, and the people i do them with. but. you know those dreams where people from different parts of your life all come together and you dont question why your middle school boyfriend and your best friend from israel are suddenly sharing gossip? or when you start laughing at something but, oh wait, none of the people you are with are the people who were there when it happened? yeah. well. welcome to my life.
anyway--the only reason these thoughts are relevant right now is because in the small duffel bag sitting in my dorm room is everything im bringing with me over the course of the next month. im excited. i love knowing that such good things are so soon.
“I like to see people reunited, maybe that’s a silly thing, but what can I say, I like to see peole run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouths cant tell fast enough, the ears that arent big enough, the eyes that cant take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone”
i'll never be the kind of person who could have everyone i love in one room, all together. not that im saying im this super popular person, but so far ive lead my life in small doses. i'm committed to the things that i do, and the people i do them with. but. you know those dreams where people from different parts of your life all come together and you dont question why your middle school boyfriend and your best friend from israel are suddenly sharing gossip? or when you start laughing at something but, oh wait, none of the people you are with are the people who were there when it happened? yeah. well. welcome to my life.
anyway--the only reason these thoughts are relevant right now is because in the small duffel bag sitting in my dorm room is everything im bringing with me over the course of the next month. im excited. i love knowing that such good things are so soon.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
hey remember that time
i was talking to someone recently, Reading Rainbow style, about how they should read Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. I've read it at least five times, the pages are starting to get torn and dog-eared. After I showed him the cover via-skype, before I put it back on the shelf, I flipped through it yet again. I always forget certain parts and re-discover them each time I open it. For instance:
Jews Have Six Senses
Touch, taste, sight, smell, hearing...memory. While Gentiles experience and process the world through the traditional senses, and use memory only as a second-order means of interpreting events, for Jews memory is no less primary than the prick of a pin, or its silver glimmer, or the taste of the blood it pulls from the finger. The Jew is pricked by a pin and remembers other pins. It is only by tracing the pinprick back to other pinpricks--when his mother tried to fix his sleeve while his arm was still in it, when his grandfather's fingers fell asleep from strocking his great-grandfather's damp forehead, when Abraham tested the knife point to be sure Isaac would feel no pain--that the Jew is able to know why it hurts.
When a Jew encounters a pin, he asks: What does it remember like?
Its funny, because I remember the exact instance when I heard this passage outside the context of me with a hot cup of tea reading this on my bed. In the banquet hall-type room at the Top Hotel, prepping ourselves for our trip to the various concentration camps and museums and synagogues in the area. Of course the Top Hotel reminds me of Aaron Stern and I telling each other our life stories on the plane on the way to Prague, "The Top Hotel makes me want to cry," he told me. Which reminds me of my most recent plane ride which reminds me of the one im going to be taking next week which reminds me of last Biennial which reminds me of Leslie saying the Mourner's Kaddish instead of the Mishebarach and how she called me, bawling, to apologize which reminds me of how, at GUCI, we used to make fun of the counselor who said "Kaddish" with a really weird emphasis on the wrong part of the word which reminds me of Shabbat walk dates which reminds me of the application sitting on my desk which reminds me of the to-do list thats sitting beside it which...
my own web of pinpricks.
Jews Have Six Senses
Touch, taste, sight, smell, hearing...memory. While Gentiles experience and process the world through the traditional senses, and use memory only as a second-order means of interpreting events, for Jews memory is no less primary than the prick of a pin, or its silver glimmer, or the taste of the blood it pulls from the finger. The Jew is pricked by a pin and remembers other pins. It is only by tracing the pinprick back to other pinpricks--when his mother tried to fix his sleeve while his arm was still in it, when his grandfather's fingers fell asleep from strocking his great-grandfather's damp forehead, when Abraham tested the knife point to be sure Isaac would feel no pain--that the Jew is able to know why it hurts.
When a Jew encounters a pin, he asks: What does it remember like?
Its funny, because I remember the exact instance when I heard this passage outside the context of me with a hot cup of tea reading this on my bed. In the banquet hall-type room at the Top Hotel, prepping ourselves for our trip to the various concentration camps and museums and synagogues in the area. Of course the Top Hotel reminds me of Aaron Stern and I telling each other our life stories on the plane on the way to Prague, "The Top Hotel makes me want to cry," he told me. Which reminds me of my most recent plane ride which reminds me of the one im going to be taking next week which reminds me of last Biennial which reminds me of Leslie saying the Mourner's Kaddish instead of the Mishebarach and how she called me, bawling, to apologize which reminds me of how, at GUCI, we used to make fun of the counselor who said "Kaddish" with a really weird emphasis on the wrong part of the word which reminds me of Shabbat walk dates which reminds me of the application sitting on my desk which reminds me of the to-do list thats sitting beside it which...
my own web of pinpricks.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
inspiration at last.
yesterday i laughed. i laughed really, really hard. its not because anything was particularly funny, although an assortment of situations (including, but not limited to, instances involving spaghetti, stretching, hookers, and wisconsin) could have qualified as such. its because once again i felt content. the settled stomach, the easy smile, the knowledge that yes, these are the people i want to spend my time with.
for me, happiness comes easy. im good at it. i can distract myself and engage in activites that make me feel good. but contentness doesnt come around as often. as ive previously whined about, i get restless. i get a grass-is-always-greener complex and lose perspective. i feel better than i did before, but i dont want to spend quality time in a quality place wishing i was somewhere else. it takes the quality part out of the equation.
anyway. i think for the most part i saw everyone this weekend who reads this silly thing, so thank you. for sitting on a bed on a saturday night and swapping bedouin tent stories. for helping me pick out a new dress and make fun of shiny things. for not hating me through an afternoon full of "remember when's". for pinky promising to spend the summer together. for joining me in a messy family dinner. for confiding in me. for reminding me that yes, in fact, rule of life #8 is true: all roads lead to where you need to be.
for me, happiness comes easy. im good at it. i can distract myself and engage in activites that make me feel good. but contentness doesnt come around as often. as ive previously whined about, i get restless. i get a grass-is-always-greener complex and lose perspective. i feel better than i did before, but i dont want to spend quality time in a quality place wishing i was somewhere else. it takes the quality part out of the equation.
anyway. i think for the most part i saw everyone this weekend who reads this silly thing, so thank you. for sitting on a bed on a saturday night and swapping bedouin tent stories. for helping me pick out a new dress and make fun of shiny things. for not hating me through an afternoon full of "remember when's". for pinky promising to spend the summer together. for joining me in a messy family dinner. for confiding in me. for reminding me that yes, in fact, rule of life #8 is true: all roads lead to where you need to be.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Pepito, the Spanish Ambassador's son
im sitting here reading the best letter ive ever recieved. again. for maybe the 80th time. "...or i could talk about nothing. because we are close now, arent we. close enough that nothing might mean so much more than a something i try to write down"
the author of this letter has seen me at my best and my worst. and my smartest and my dumbest. my most "what the hell was she thinking?!" and my most "good call!!" the author of this letter is still one of my closest friends.
recently, my life has been turning into the cliched garden state soundtrack and i just want to curl up and watch a movie and, yes, all i want to do is read the perks of being a wallflower. because for the first time in almost ever, i feel like one. its weird. this gigantic organization has chosen me because im good at meeting people and including people and understanding people and being inspired by people. and yet, almost at the exact same time, a tiny school is wrecking my confidence in every aforementioned aspect.
i tried to explain this to someone who, despite our best efforts, is becoming a pretty important person to me lately. "welcome to life" he said, "it sucks."
well the truth is, i dont want it to suck! i want to live in my own tiny universe of awe-inspiring people who make me laugh and write me letters that are so full of honesty and feeling that i want to cry! and i dont just want to sit in on my bed and read all of the funny things that we used to say, i want to go back and say them! i dont want to hear about my dad meeting one of my favorite musicians, i want to go to columbus with jack and see him perform! and i dont want it to be cold and dark out, i want to lay on the sand and be so overwhelmed by the sun that the only logical option is to throw myself into the waves! i want to run through the halls of my fucking high school! and yes, over-played as it may be, i sure as hell want to scream at the top of my lungs!
this, ladies and gentleman, is what i like to call restlessness. the overwhelming sense that i have to be somewhere else, anywhere else. the voice inside of my head telling me to do something, anything, to change the situation that i'm in. towards the end of high school, i grew so resentful of the fact that i would count down to things, that i would always wish that time went faster. and yet, i see myself doing the same thing here and now.
i dont have a cute, witty way to wrap this up, except to say that maybe we all have to get to a breaking point to make a break from our every day lives (i.e. thanksgiving break next week) really mean something.
the author of this letter has seen me at my best and my worst. and my smartest and my dumbest. my most "what the hell was she thinking?!" and my most "good call!!" the author of this letter is still one of my closest friends.
recently, my life has been turning into the cliched garden state soundtrack and i just want to curl up and watch a movie and, yes, all i want to do is read the perks of being a wallflower. because for the first time in almost ever, i feel like one. its weird. this gigantic organization has chosen me because im good at meeting people and including people and understanding people and being inspired by people. and yet, almost at the exact same time, a tiny school is wrecking my confidence in every aforementioned aspect.
i tried to explain this to someone who, despite our best efforts, is becoming a pretty important person to me lately. "welcome to life" he said, "it sucks."
well the truth is, i dont want it to suck! i want to live in my own tiny universe of awe-inspiring people who make me laugh and write me letters that are so full of honesty and feeling that i want to cry! and i dont just want to sit in on my bed and read all of the funny things that we used to say, i want to go back and say them! i dont want to hear about my dad meeting one of my favorite musicians, i want to go to columbus with jack and see him perform! and i dont want it to be cold and dark out, i want to lay on the sand and be so overwhelmed by the sun that the only logical option is to throw myself into the waves! i want to run through the halls of my fucking high school! and yes, over-played as it may be, i sure as hell want to scream at the top of my lungs!
this, ladies and gentleman, is what i like to call restlessness. the overwhelming sense that i have to be somewhere else, anywhere else. the voice inside of my head telling me to do something, anything, to change the situation that i'm in. towards the end of high school, i grew so resentful of the fact that i would count down to things, that i would always wish that time went faster. and yet, i see myself doing the same thing here and now.
i dont have a cute, witty way to wrap this up, except to say that maybe we all have to get to a breaking point to make a break from our every day lives (i.e. thanksgiving break next week) really mean something.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
the things im thankful for, a week early.
for a new friend that keeps me in check and laughs with me when other people take themselves too seriously
for only seven more physics classes ever in my entire life
for a situation that i didnt think would work out well that's working out quite nicely so far
for knowing every line to one of my favorite movies, and for having a friend who doesnt mind me reciting them during her first time watching it
for more-icy-than-creamy ice cream in the caf
for a brother who reminds me why life is fun
for real falafel and elite chocolate and jerusalem stone in less than two months
for chuck klosterman writing a new book
for the friend who visits even when the situation is a little awkward
for a new weekend hang out spot
for not actually being allergic to sunlight and citrus fruit
for songs that remind me of people who make me happy
for having the opportunity to plan events at a zoo
for a sister who gets to experience them
for Florida's Natural Au'some Fruit Juice Nuggets
for Jim from the office
for feeling accomplished
for being able to see the sunset through the window of my favorite class
for having a really long list of things im thankful for
for only seven more physics classes ever in my entire life
for a situation that i didnt think would work out well that's working out quite nicely so far
for knowing every line to one of my favorite movies, and for having a friend who doesnt mind me reciting them during her first time watching it
for more-icy-than-creamy ice cream in the caf
for a brother who reminds me why life is fun
for real falafel and elite chocolate and jerusalem stone in less than two months
for chuck klosterman writing a new book
for the friend who visits even when the situation is a little awkward
for a new weekend hang out spot
for not actually being allergic to sunlight and citrus fruit
for songs that remind me of people who make me happy
for having the opportunity to plan events at a zoo
for a sister who gets to experience them
for Florida's Natural Au'some Fruit Juice Nuggets
for Jim from the office
for feeling accomplished
for being able to see the sunset through the window of my favorite class
for having a really long list of things im thankful for
Saturday, November 3, 2007
wes anderson and i should be friends
"I love the way this country smells. I'll never forget it. It's kind of spicy."
last night, as i sat in the theater with my donkey-voiced friend, laughing and almost crying at the bittersweetness of the movie, no not movie, artwork that is The Darjeeling Limited, i realized that i was going back to israel.
sure, i was sent the ticket a few days ago...found out that i was going a few weeks before that. but yesterday, i realized.
for me, unlike most of my religious-minded friends, this isnt a spiritual journey. well in my own way, actually, maybe it is. the sun-soaked nostalgia that has been my existance since i left last june will come to life once again. but what i mean is that the infinity that i felt last time i was there...the people i was with when we went to the kotel, not the kotel itself, is what i'm inspired by. in that sense, i'm a little nervous. how can i expect this trip to possibly match the pure bliss that, at least in retrospect, i experienced last time? how can i arrive back at tzuba without sharing a bus seat with various ghosts of best friends past? how can i compare the trips? how cant i?
but then i take a deep breath. i remember where i was this weekend last month. i have nothing to worry about.
last night, as i sat in the theater with my donkey-voiced friend, laughing and almost crying at the bittersweetness of the movie, no not movie, artwork that is The Darjeeling Limited, i realized that i was going back to israel.
sure, i was sent the ticket a few days ago...found out that i was going a few weeks before that. but yesterday, i realized.
for me, unlike most of my religious-minded friends, this isnt a spiritual journey. well in my own way, actually, maybe it is. the sun-soaked nostalgia that has been my existance since i left last june will come to life once again. but what i mean is that the infinity that i felt last time i was there...the people i was with when we went to the kotel, not the kotel itself, is what i'm inspired by. in that sense, i'm a little nervous. how can i expect this trip to possibly match the pure bliss that, at least in retrospect, i experienced last time? how can i arrive back at tzuba without sharing a bus seat with various ghosts of best friends past? how can i compare the trips? how cant i?
but then i take a deep breath. i remember where i was this weekend last month. i have nothing to worry about.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Margaret Olivia: Drama Queen Extraordinare
"so em, where are you staying when you come visit?"
"uhh...my bed?"
"umm...thats jonah's bed now."
"oh. well. do you think he'll mind if i sleep in it cause its technically mine?"
"its not technically yours. you dont live here anymore."
"oh. well. can you not say 'visit'. it makes me sad. i'm coming home."
"this is not your home anymore. you have no place here."
i kid you not, this is how my 12 year old sister talks to me. she's out of her mind. directly after this part of the conversation, we go into what she's going to be for halloween. after suggesting the powerpuff girls (which, by the way, a very good friend of mine who is definitely male and definitely in college is also dressing up as. im sure if we're lucky enough we'll see it on facebook.), she howls with laughter for a good five minutes when i mention "professor x". just roars. this leads us, somehow, to the part of the conversation during which she tells me a campfire-type tale that started out "in eastern europe long ago, there was a rabbi who..."
maybe its just cause she's my sister, and maybe this wont translate at all, but oh my god this girl makes me laugh. i forget sometimes that she's only 12. its not even that she's all that mature, its just that she's so much goofier and so much more spirited and confident than i could ever hope to be when i was 12. she's the girl i was jealous of in middle school. the girl who looked like she was 16, had awesome older siblings, was totally self-aware, made all the cute boys laugh.
she has her faults. we get in our share of fights. and within two days of seeing her, i'll probably want to take back all of these nice things i'm saying about her. but. she makes me laugh. and, even though she's my sister and i dont have much of a choice, its the people who make me laugh who make everything worth it.
"uhh...my bed?"
"umm...thats jonah's bed now."
"oh. well. do you think he'll mind if i sleep in it cause its technically mine?"
"its not technically yours. you dont live here anymore."
"oh. well. can you not say 'visit'. it makes me sad. i'm coming home."
"this is not your home anymore. you have no place here."
i kid you not, this is how my 12 year old sister talks to me. she's out of her mind. directly after this part of the conversation, we go into what she's going to be for halloween. after suggesting the powerpuff girls (which, by the way, a very good friend of mine who is definitely male and definitely in college is also dressing up as. im sure if we're lucky enough we'll see it on facebook.), she howls with laughter for a good five minutes when i mention "professor x". just roars. this leads us, somehow, to the part of the conversation during which she tells me a campfire-type tale that started out "in eastern europe long ago, there was a rabbi who..."
maybe its just cause she's my sister, and maybe this wont translate at all, but oh my god this girl makes me laugh. i forget sometimes that she's only 12. its not even that she's all that mature, its just that she's so much goofier and so much more spirited and confident than i could ever hope to be when i was 12. she's the girl i was jealous of in middle school. the girl who looked like she was 16, had awesome older siblings, was totally self-aware, made all the cute boys laugh.
she has her faults. we get in our share of fights. and within two days of seeing her, i'll probably want to take back all of these nice things i'm saying about her. but. she makes me laugh. and, even though she's my sister and i dont have much of a choice, its the people who make me laugh who make everything worth it.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
physics makes my stomach hurt
i hate it. i've never struggled this hard to get a C in my life. ever. and its turning into this philosophical debate with myself on whether or not to give up. to nuclear or not to nuclear. that kind of thing.
my other classes? no problem. the material that im interested in flies by. well not flies, but i'm more willing to put work into things that i like, things that i'm interested in and want to understand.
maybe i should look at this as an expanding my horizons type thing. maybe it actually will help in life to know that this isotope has a half-life of 30.17 years and decays to the stable isotope 137B by beta decay.
the truth is that im too practical to actually believe that whether or not i understand the above will have a true effect on my life. practical in other areas of my life? yeah that's up for debate. but for now, i'm limiting the issues that i deal with to the cold classroom in the science building. anyway, more importantly, im too stubborn to accept that i could just drop the class. in the long run it will probably do more good than bad, and my head will certainly hurt much less.
at an art gallery down the street, hand drawn "DIY surrender kits" sat on a wall with a simple Take Me across the top. i did. the terms of my surrender, however, do not involve going to my professor with the news that i will not be returning. the terms of my surrender involve sucking it up for six more weeks and ploughing through. just go for it.
so here's to you, PHYS140, i'm waving my white flag.
my other classes? no problem. the material that im interested in flies by. well not flies, but i'm more willing to put work into things that i like, things that i'm interested in and want to understand.
maybe i should look at this as an expanding my horizons type thing. maybe it actually will help in life to know that this isotope has a half-life of 30.17 years and decays to the stable isotope 137B by beta decay.
the truth is that im too practical to actually believe that whether or not i understand the above will have a true effect on my life. practical in other areas of my life? yeah that's up for debate. but for now, i'm limiting the issues that i deal with to the cold classroom in the science building. anyway, more importantly, im too stubborn to accept that i could just drop the class. in the long run it will probably do more good than bad, and my head will certainly hurt much less.
at an art gallery down the street, hand drawn "DIY surrender kits" sat on a wall with a simple Take Me across the top. i did. the terms of my surrender, however, do not involve going to my professor with the news that i will not be returning. the terms of my surrender involve sucking it up for six more weeks and ploughing through. just go for it.
so here's to you, PHYS140, i'm waving my white flag.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
tickle blankets and blue men
im one of those assholes who finds a song she loves, listens to it over and over and over again, and then gets sick of it. sometimes i'll find it again and realize what i loved about it and sometimes ill find it again and laugh because i loved it in the first place. (i guess that can be associated with other parts of my life as well, now that i think about it.)
Relate To Me by The Voyces isn't the best song on the Thicker Than Water soundtrack. it isn't (if you're wondering, it's a tie between Rainbow and Holes to Heaven). but one rainy day sophomore or junior year i listened to it maybe eight thousand times. the distantly familiar voice, the comfort of an acoustic guitar, it just fits. two years later, it popped up on my pandora.com station. i cant help but soak in the nostalgia.
i hadn't watched garden state since the perfect day in israel. i was too scared, had built up the moment too much, too many expectations involved. i had just finished a test in reuven's class, josh's class had another three hours to go. we all yelled and made fun of our friends still struggling with the importance of Masada, why Herod made his stone a certain way. turns out that this time it ended up being great. the movie still makes me cry. the rainy day setting still makes me want to yell into an infinite abyss.
this past thursday, i was inspired. im finding this to be an ongoing trend for my thursdays, and something ive grown to look forward to. this time the inspiration came in the form of the founder of the blue man group who came to talk to us because he was a clark grad. he loves what he does. he adores it. and all i could do was sit there, agree with what he said, and hope that even a tiny part of me loves my career as much as he does. i wanted to be part of this club of innovation. i saw my favorite teacher laugh at their inside jokes and found myself wanting to be in on it too. "i'm in love with a girl whose in love with the world and i cant help but follow."
these songs and movies and moments dont really relate to each other, but over this lazy weekend, my first lazy weekend in a while, i'm starting to see the parts of me that have changed over the course of the last few years, and the parts that haven't changed at all.
Relate To Me by The Voyces isn't the best song on the Thicker Than Water soundtrack. it isn't (if you're wondering, it's a tie between Rainbow and Holes to Heaven). but one rainy day sophomore or junior year i listened to it maybe eight thousand times. the distantly familiar voice, the comfort of an acoustic guitar, it just fits. two years later, it popped up on my pandora.com station. i cant help but soak in the nostalgia.
i hadn't watched garden state since the perfect day in israel. i was too scared, had built up the moment too much, too many expectations involved. i had just finished a test in reuven's class, josh's class had another three hours to go. we all yelled and made fun of our friends still struggling with the importance of Masada, why Herod made his stone a certain way. turns out that this time it ended up being great. the movie still makes me cry. the rainy day setting still makes me want to yell into an infinite abyss.
this past thursday, i was inspired. im finding this to be an ongoing trend for my thursdays, and something ive grown to look forward to. this time the inspiration came in the form of the founder of the blue man group who came to talk to us because he was a clark grad. he loves what he does. he adores it. and all i could do was sit there, agree with what he said, and hope that even a tiny part of me loves my career as much as he does. i wanted to be part of this club of innovation. i saw my favorite teacher laugh at their inside jokes and found myself wanting to be in on it too. "i'm in love with a girl whose in love with the world and i cant help but follow."
these songs and movies and moments dont really relate to each other, but over this lazy weekend, my first lazy weekend in a while, i'm starting to see the parts of me that have changed over the course of the last few years, and the parts that haven't changed at all.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
harry potter.
sometimes it creeps me out how accurate the "when it rains it pours" theory works for my life. since i'm one of those dancers in the rain, this euphamism works both for good things and bad things. last week? deadly thunderstorm. today? warm summer rain.
today i: talked to my preschool boyfriend, got three A's on the papers i got back from my favorite and most respected teacher, found out i was going to israel for longer than originally planned, finished a huge midterm, worked out, got my charger in the mail, bought a fantastic shirt, sang in the shower, and laughed so hard i almost couldnt breath.
when i get in moods like this, really overflowingly good ones, i sometimes overwhelm myself. though i'm generally optimistic, i get skeptical and worry sometimes how long it'll last. thats when the little voice in my head who knows i dont have control over every little situation or relationship shuts the rest of me up.
the next month or so is a lot less crazy for me than the one that preceded it. i'm excited to see what happens.
today i: talked to my preschool boyfriend, got three A's on the papers i got back from my favorite and most respected teacher, found out i was going to israel for longer than originally planned, finished a huge midterm, worked out, got my charger in the mail, bought a fantastic shirt, sang in the shower, and laughed so hard i almost couldnt breath.
when i get in moods like this, really overflowingly good ones, i sometimes overwhelm myself. though i'm generally optimistic, i get skeptical and worry sometimes how long it'll last. thats when the little voice in my head who knows i dont have control over every little situation or relationship shuts the rest of me up.
the next month or so is a lot less crazy for me than the one that preceded it. i'm excited to see what happens.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
my to do list
1. finish my entrepreneurship essay
2. get through my 530-9am shift at work tomorrow
3. drink more water
4. stop texting people i know its a bad idea to text
5. learn to sing like regina spektor
6. decide what im doing with my summer
7. use jonah's phrase "pergreato" ("its a mix of perfecto and great") in every day life
8. feel more pergreato in every day life.
2. get through my 530-9am shift at work tomorrow
3. drink more water
4. stop texting people i know its a bad idea to text
5. learn to sing like regina spektor
6. decide what im doing with my summer
7. use jonah's phrase "pergreato" ("its a mix of perfecto and great") in every day life
8. feel more pergreato in every day life.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
elephants and snakes
i'm sitting on my friend gina's bed, waiting to go to dinner.
last night i read, as i often do when i'm stressed out, the entirety of The Little Prince.
it didnt work.
but what does work is that thursday is my favorite night at clark.
obviously, the office, but something about open mic night and sitting in the bistro with the people who just get it.
its really nice.
part of me wishes i was where i was last week: sitting at the pb, arguing with the waiter, and buying too much snack food at the supermarket...
but we cant have everything, and i'm pretty happy with what i've got.
oh yeah. and evan's coming.
last night i read, as i often do when i'm stressed out, the entirety of The Little Prince.
it didnt work.
but what does work is that thursday is my favorite night at clark.
obviously, the office, but something about open mic night and sitting in the bistro with the people who just get it.
its really nice.
part of me wishes i was where i was last week: sitting at the pb, arguing with the waiter, and buying too much snack food at the supermarket...
but we cant have everything, and i'm pretty happy with what i've got.
oh yeah. and evan's coming.
Monday, October 8, 2007
and yet...
despite my previous entry, i've been inspired by the rantings of a certain young woman to remind myself that this weekend was incredible.
although sometimes i get distracted, my glass is often half full. i find joy in small things, seemingly meaningless things. so when i say that everything from a goofy egg and french fried meal to a conference call to a photo session confirmed for me that i made the right decision, i mean it.
although sometimes i get distracted, my glass is often half full. i find joy in small things, seemingly meaningless things. so when i say that everything from a goofy egg and french fried meal to a conference call to a photo session confirmed for me that i made the right decision, i mean it.
arachnophobia
i could dwell all day on the things that i'm scared of. i could stay overwhelmed and feel sick to my stomach and worry that i do or do not make the right decisions. i could regret and overanalyze and feel sorry for.
or.
or i could walk out of my dorm room today knowing that i can only do so much and then its out of my control. i can only say so much or feel so much or hurt so much and then i have to accept that my words are only my words until i say them out loud.
i hope that the pain in the pit of my stomach settles soon.
or.
or i could walk out of my dorm room today knowing that i can only do so much and then its out of my control. i can only say so much or feel so much or hurt so much and then i have to accept that my words are only my words until i say them out loud.
i hope that the pain in the pit of my stomach settles soon.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
live for a living
"this makes me want to change the world," i told my friend, my partner in crime. we had just walked in late to a slam poetry event that we thought would suck. we were wrong. sometimes im overwhelmed when other people say things better than i could even hope to.
(i want to skew the difference between tai chi and chai tea and end up drinking a tall glass of graceful force.)
this time, i was overwhelmed with my contentness. in a good way. i mean i guess its hard to be content in a bad way, but it doesnt matter right now. there are those nights, every once in a while, where you think the day is just going to end and you'll wake up the next morning unaffected. they just pass. not tonight. and im not even sure why. it just worked.
(i don't know if possibly, i'm in love, but i know i love possibility.)
a long time ago, a friend of mine told me that i was in love with love. he scoffed. he said it as if it was a weakness. i've never forgiven him. i'm in love with love like jim and pam on the office. you laugh now, but thats how its supposed to be.
(i'll be there chasing sound waves.)
pandora.com has re-entered my life and it has changed my past 48 hours. in retrospect, i cant believe i let it slip away.
i've been so up and down lately, and i guess it just feels good to feel good. last weekend was wonderful. a welcomed break in my already-molded routine. a friendly face i hadn't seen in too long. next weekend will be the official start of something new, something big. but right now? I'm listening to a song from a band i've never heard of after hearing poetry from a performer i've never heard of after attending a meeting for a magazine i havent written for yet and its the most familiar and comfortable i've felt since i got here.
(i want to skew the difference between tai chi and chai tea and end up drinking a tall glass of graceful force.)
this time, i was overwhelmed with my contentness. in a good way. i mean i guess its hard to be content in a bad way, but it doesnt matter right now. there are those nights, every once in a while, where you think the day is just going to end and you'll wake up the next morning unaffected. they just pass. not tonight. and im not even sure why. it just worked.
(i don't know if possibly, i'm in love, but i know i love possibility.)
a long time ago, a friend of mine told me that i was in love with love. he scoffed. he said it as if it was a weakness. i've never forgiven him. i'm in love with love like jim and pam on the office. you laugh now, but thats how its supposed to be.
(i'll be there chasing sound waves.)
pandora.com has re-entered my life and it has changed my past 48 hours. in retrospect, i cant believe i let it slip away.
i've been so up and down lately, and i guess it just feels good to feel good. last weekend was wonderful. a welcomed break in my already-molded routine. a friendly face i hadn't seen in too long. next weekend will be the official start of something new, something big. but right now? I'm listening to a song from a band i've never heard of after hearing poetry from a performer i've never heard of after attending a meeting for a magazine i havent written for yet and its the most familiar and comfortable i've felt since i got here.
Friday, September 14, 2007
new slang
its amazing, really, how restless i get and how quickly i get there.
and i like to think that i'm at least a generally rational person. i mean i make my big leaps and i have my huge "emily what are you thinking?" moments and i get hung up on situations i probably shouldnt, but still. wow. sometimes.
the only other places where i've really felt this way were at camp and in israel. and in those instances, i had a group of people with me who were equally restless. my mismatched gang of causeless rebels who also were inclined to create a 3-D fake fire or make a lanyard or dye my bangs superhero red or play Most Likely To or draw with pudding on our front porch or dance in the rain. these activites made sense because we were going-out-of-our-minds bored with all things conventional. my restlessness here results in much less productivity. in all honesty, its usually more along the lines of watching top chef or window shopping online.
i dont know. its the new year. i'm never one for resolutions, mostly due to the aforementioned restlessness. that isnt to say that i dont follow through on things, but i dont like the forced something-news. i like playing things out and seeing how they work.
in the next four weeks, i'm going to new york, toronto, and boston. hopefully some adventure and change of scenery will help.
and i like to think that i'm at least a generally rational person. i mean i make my big leaps and i have my huge "emily what are you thinking?" moments and i get hung up on situations i probably shouldnt, but still. wow. sometimes.
the only other places where i've really felt this way were at camp and in israel. and in those instances, i had a group of people with me who were equally restless. my mismatched gang of causeless rebels who also were inclined to create a 3-D fake fire or make a lanyard or dye my bangs superhero red or play Most Likely To or draw with pudding on our front porch or dance in the rain. these activites made sense because we were going-out-of-our-minds bored with all things conventional. my restlessness here results in much less productivity. in all honesty, its usually more along the lines of watching top chef or window shopping online.
i dont know. its the new year. i'm never one for resolutions, mostly due to the aforementioned restlessness. that isnt to say that i dont follow through on things, but i dont like the forced something-news. i like playing things out and seeing how they work.
in the next four weeks, i'm going to new york, toronto, and boston. hopefully some adventure and change of scenery will help.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
you were right about the stars
my physics professor tells me that we're all made out of old star stuff.
my comm101 professor tells me dialogue can solve everything.
my seminar professor tells me what is cool.
my pla in my seminar tells me that my professor is insane.
my entrepreneurship professor tells me that the rules are bullshit and i should make everyday interesting.
i like it here.
my comm101 professor tells me dialogue can solve everything.
my seminar professor tells me what is cool.
my pla in my seminar tells me that my professor is insane.
my entrepreneurship professor tells me that the rules are bullshit and i should make everyday interesting.
i like it here.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
body paint and philosophical debate: welcome to the first friday at clark.
theres this quote from a movie, the last kiss. "What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters. It's the only thing that counts."
it doesnt have much to do with the following, ive just been thinking about that a lot lately.
the best part of my night last night wasnt the stereotypical friday night college festivites that took up a good part of my evening (although it was pretty great). it wasnt the glow paint that im still wiping off my ears and shoes and stomach (messy, but fun). it was the post-easy mac conversation that i continued from earlier that afternoon with one of my new friends about judaism and christianity and islam and buddhism.
yes, theology at two in the morning.
and the great thing, the best thing, was its innocence. i wasnt arguing, and i certainly wasnt accusing or judging or defending. i was just telling. and listening. and the beauty of the conversation was in its simplicity. it gave me a chance to really figure out what was important to me, i mean at least the 20 minute toasty version. the only thing that this boy knows about judaism and my views is what i was presenting. and that freedom was incredible. i wasn't talking to someone who knew what pvp or mvp or str or par or sicha meant. i wasn't talking to someone who could recite the barchu or perform the motions to baby shark.
i dont know, i know im the kind of person who has to talk things out and work things over before i finalize my thoughts, and this was just one of those right place/right time opportunities to do so.
beyond that, things are going great. theres lulls, but not once have i asked myself what the hell i was doing here. because it feels right. i woke up the past two mornings just feeling so naturally comfortable here.
it doesnt have much to do with the following, ive just been thinking about that a lot lately.
the best part of my night last night wasnt the stereotypical friday night college festivites that took up a good part of my evening (although it was pretty great). it wasnt the glow paint that im still wiping off my ears and shoes and stomach (messy, but fun). it was the post-easy mac conversation that i continued from earlier that afternoon with one of my new friends about judaism and christianity and islam and buddhism.
yes, theology at two in the morning.
and the great thing, the best thing, was its innocence. i wasnt arguing, and i certainly wasnt accusing or judging or defending. i was just telling. and listening. and the beauty of the conversation was in its simplicity. it gave me a chance to really figure out what was important to me, i mean at least the 20 minute toasty version. the only thing that this boy knows about judaism and my views is what i was presenting. and that freedom was incredible. i wasn't talking to someone who knew what pvp or mvp or str or par or sicha meant. i wasn't talking to someone who could recite the barchu or perform the motions to baby shark.
i dont know, i know im the kind of person who has to talk things out and work things over before i finalize my thoughts, and this was just one of those right place/right time opportunities to do so.
beyond that, things are going great. theres lulls, but not once have i asked myself what the hell i was doing here. because it feels right. i woke up the past two mornings just feeling so naturally comfortable here.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
live from worcester, mass.
so yes, i've given in. im exploring the infinite abyss of who's-reading-my-thoughts-and-do-i-care-and-is-what-im-saying-important-or-just-ranting. it feels good.
so does being here. yes, i've already been warned to not walk on main street after dark. yes, i've sat through boring and redundant floor meetings. and yes, for the first time in four years i have to start from scratch and actually meet people that don't know so-and-so or hooked up with whats-her-face.
but. im in my dorm room. MY DORM ROOM.
and it feels pretty nice.
so does being here. yes, i've already been warned to not walk on main street after dark. yes, i've sat through boring and redundant floor meetings. and yes, for the first time in four years i have to start from scratch and actually meet people that don't know so-and-so or hooked up with whats-her-face.
but. im in my dorm room. MY DORM ROOM.
and it feels pretty nice.
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