keep it together

theres nothing like guster at the end of a good night.

i tried to do headstands for you

tonight is new year's eve.

there may be no dick clark, no times square ball drop, no fireworks. but as i rush from my middle eastern politics class to my McNutt erev rosh hashanah dinner, i'll feel the same thing i've been feeling the past week or so. that something new, something big, is on its way.

the first few weeks of school, i found myself looking at my life here as a distraction. looking for things to get my mind off other things. things far away, things long ago, things i gave up on or that gave up on me. but what i've noticed is that the life i was distracting myself with is slowly becoming the life ive been looking for. sure, it's only been a month, but something about this place feels good.

i've never been one for resolutions. why limit changing your behavior based on the change in calendar year? why not do things right now? why not be a better version of yourself today? but in the spirit of this change in season, i will make a new years wish. and that is that i hope my life here at IU continues to remind me of the new ipod commercial. vibrant, silly, full of energy, and with just a touch of "what the hell is she singing about?"

things that bring me back to full Emily potential

cowboy boots
strawberry powerade zero
getting dressed listening to Buzzin by shwazye
my modern middle eastern politics class
papermate flair pens
my huge tv remote
text messages
a new context for jason mraz songs
nostalgia-inducing pictures
rekindled friendshps
sharp cheddar cheese
First Day Of My Life by bright eyes
aquafresh toothpaste
jonah's "I am barack obama and i approve this message" messages
barack obama
glow-in-the-dark stars

theres too much hate in the world, but not too much cookies

"I like you because
When I tell you something special
You know it's special
And you remember it
A long long time

You say
Remember when you told me
Something special

And both of us remember."

attached to a breathtaking letter, i recieved a book yesterday. i recieved this book from someone who deserves everything good about life, but instead of waiting for it, she spreads that goodness to other people. its amazing, really.

"I like you because
You know when it's time to stop being silly

Maybe day after tomorrow
Maybe never

Oops too late
it's quarter past silly"

this weekend, i was silly. it's one of my favorite emotions, but one i'm terrible at faking when i'm not up for it. last weekend--i was not lighthearted and relaxed. this weekend, something clicked and i was just loopy enough and just goofy enough and just balanced enough to have a really great time.

"And I like you because
When I am feeling sad
You don't always cheer me up right away

Sometimes it is better to be sad
You can't stand the others being so googly and gaggly every single minute
You want to think about things

it takes time."

And meanwhile, I'm sometimes completely overwhelmed by this beautiful friendship i still have with my william miller, all the way across the country. he's in the real world, doing real things, making real impacts. i'm sitting at my desk writing a response for j-hist. in some ways im so jealous and in some ways i'm so scared of that infinite abyss to come. yesterday i was on the phone for two hours with ahillels trying to figure out how to study abroad together next year. sometimes i feel like just so weird and lonely and other times i cant do anything but smile and sigh because i do have truly amazing people in my life.

"I would go on choosing you
And you would go on choosing me
Over and over again."

sometimes i wish things worked out the way i thought they would. sometimes i cant help but think they still might. in the meantime, usually, i think i'm doing pretty ok.

the view from saturday

a few thoughts, but its still morning on a saturday, so i dont have enough energy or motivation to form them into full blog-tastic content.

1. my campers are still writing me letters and emails. how could i NOT want to go back next summer?
2. i read through part of my old journal-y thing yesterday from israel and senior year and i was funny. i also find myself in some eerily similar situations.
3. facebook statuses. stati? just: oy.
4. work started yesterday. although it's not the most glamorous, i dont have to walk far and i learned how to make various starbucks coffee creations. ooo. fancy!
5. my desk is sort of messy, but also very colorful.
6. i miss my sisters and jonah.
7. i dont have season tickets, but i hope that i can sit in the student section at the game today because i actually want to attend a school-sponsored sporting event. plus i have a really cute shirt that has footballs on it.
8. the top bunk isnt too bad.
9. asz is one of the best friends a girl can have.
10. i love that the basement of my building rents out dvds...like season three of entourage. yay!

37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime.

yep. on my first saturday night at IU, party school extraordinare, i am blogging. WOOOO i'm awesome.
anyway, during my last three adventure-filled nights, ive had a lot of fun, so dont you go thinking that i havent had my share of IU life thus far. (who am i kidding, maggie harry is the only one who reads this. i miss you tons and tons and tons, by the way)
but my friend MICHAEL (see. i mentioned you. love you.) raised an interesting question. am i happier lost in a big school than stuck in a small school? this isnt even really a blog-worthy question, because my definite answer is yes.
what is interesting is that i already see myself using my old clark ways as my comfort zone. i see myself wanting to skip stuff to stay in and watch movies and stay laid back. but i also see myself reaching out and branching out, at least a little bit here and there. i know i'm using what clark didnt have to emphasize the good of what IU does. which is exactly why, as miserable as i was, i have no regrets about clark last year.
and the good part is: as i look around at my desk--the glow-in-the-dark stars, the jonah drawings, the hangy jewish star mobile thingy, the HUGE glasses katie and i bought as a joke...the essence of me is here. the outline of who i was and who i'm becoming. i have the chance, in these acres of trees and thousands of people, to make room for a better version of myself.

i guess we'll see.

"ever since i've had the shop, we've been trying to flog a record by a group called the Sid James Experience. Usually, we get rid of the stuff we can't move--reduce it to 10p, or throw it away--but Barry loves this album (he's got two copies of his own, just in case somebody borrows one and fails to return it), and he says it's rare, and that someday we'll make somebody very happy. It's become a bit of a joke, really. Regular customers ask after its health, and give it a friendly pat when they're browsing, and sometimes they bring the sleeve up to the counter as if they're going to buy it, and then say 'Just Kidding!' and put it back where they found it.
Anyway, on Friday morning, this guy I've never seen before starts flicking through the 'British Pop S-Z section,' lets out a gasp of amazement and rushes up to the counter, clutching the sleeve to his chest as if he's afraid someone will snatch it from him. And then he gets out his wallet and pays for it, seven quid, just like that, no attempt to haggle, no recognition of the significance of what he is doing. I let Barry serve him--it's his moment--and Dick and I watch every move, holding our breath; it's like someone has walked in, tipped petrol over himself, and produced a box of matches from his pocket. We don't exhale until he's struck the match and set himself alight, and when he's gone we laugh and laugh and laugh. It gives up all strength: if someone can just walk in and buy the Sid James Experience album, then surely anything good can happen at any time."