its been the kind of week where i really need a post like this. a post of amazing reminders and overwhelmingly blissful syllables at a time where suddenly the world makes a lot less sense. so here's a compliation of some stuff ive found while stumblingupon. i hope i dont have other weeks like this where i need to find it, but its here.
"One of my philosophy professors lectured wildly about love once, yelling: “When you’re in love with someone, that person is the lighthouse of your universe.” (I scrawled it inside Science and Poetry in pencil—lighthouse of your universe—as if I would ever forget that phrase.) He was a delightful caricature of his position. I could swear he literally tore his hair out while howling at us. He went on, “Nothing means as much without that person.”
One of the men in the class repeated, incredulous, half-laughing “so you’re saying you can’t enjoy, like, a vacation, without someone if you’re really in love with them?”
“Of course not.” the professor replied. “Not completely. You recognize beauty, but beauty means less if they don’t witness it with you. Beauty is less. You see something sublime and your first thought is that they should be there with you. It’s not as good without them. They illuminate. They make everything more."
"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened—or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."
— Tupac Shakur
"Someday, someone is going to walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else. "
"I guess I’m just sort of in the mood to have a crush on somebody where it can’t hurt too much."
"There are moments when it’s too quiet. Particularly late at night or early in the mornings. That’s when you know there’s something lacking in your life. You just know." --frank sinatra
"S,
I wish I knew what to do with you.
— J"
i'm sure there will be more, but for now this is what it is.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
back of the bus playlists
like the characters in the increasingly addictive Lost, it's been three years since ive left the island. not an actual time-travelling, role-reversing, medically-unpredictable island, but the island that was EIE.
and though three years is a long time and much has happened since, for the first time since then, i feel truly full. full of good people and intense conversations. full of laughter and tears. full of food and of hugs. full of life and love and inspiration.
sure, i'm not climbing mountains or solidifying friendships on picnic blankets or skipping class to drink milkshakes (well, actually i have done that) or sneaking in kisses between classes. but i am staying up too late and going on adventures and making messes and cleaning them up and sharing music on a futon and laughing until my belly hurts.
and thats whats important. the fact that i am once again able to share the same types of relationships that i used to be able to. that despite last year's various setbacks, ive been able to relapse and mold into this newer version of my old self. and the people that i met then, the experience that i had then...those things will always come first in my heart. but the fact that i've regained the ability to be that person--for better or for worse--is such a big step for me.
and so, like kate and locke and sawyer and the rest of the gang, i sometimes long for the old version of myself. but what i've collected from the present times, flashbacks, and even what feels like flashforwards, is a person who is finally finding her niche.
and though three years is a long time and much has happened since, for the first time since then, i feel truly full. full of good people and intense conversations. full of laughter and tears. full of food and of hugs. full of life and love and inspiration.
sure, i'm not climbing mountains or solidifying friendships on picnic blankets or skipping class to drink milkshakes (well, actually i have done that) or sneaking in kisses between classes. but i am staying up too late and going on adventures and making messes and cleaning them up and sharing music on a futon and laughing until my belly hurts.
and thats whats important. the fact that i am once again able to share the same types of relationships that i used to be able to. that despite last year's various setbacks, ive been able to relapse and mold into this newer version of my old self. and the people that i met then, the experience that i had then...those things will always come first in my heart. but the fact that i've regained the ability to be that person--for better or for worse--is such a big step for me.
and so, like kate and locke and sawyer and the rest of the gang, i sometimes long for the old version of myself. but what i've collected from the present times, flashbacks, and even what feels like flashforwards, is a person who is finally finding her niche.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
an awesome book.
the semester comes to a close and my life continuously gets more and less complicated depending on the day and hour and minute.
i glanced through my two favorite books that tomorrow i'll recommend to yet another friend. i hope that she wont mind the dog-earred pages and underlined and circled perfect articulations of love and confusion and life. but really, if she hadnt so beautifully and willingly put up with the dog-earred pages and underlined and circled parts of my real life, she wouldnt have asked to borrow it in the first place.
in the past week or so, i've been lucky enough to be reminded several times why my life is pretty damn ok. i've been reminded just as many times why it could suck, but for now, for at least the past 24 hours and the next 12 or so, i've chosen to ignore that part. ive been stuck in an undefined emotion that i lazily refer to as restlessness. but really, its not restlessness. because i am happy. and there have been some really amazing people lately who in big ways and small have reminded me why.
a friend who has no business knowing me this well after not really being friends for the last year or so has returned to my life with some inspiration. i dont want to dream of furniture, of buying a new hat, or of owning matching silverware.
i glanced through my two favorite books that tomorrow i'll recommend to yet another friend. i hope that she wont mind the dog-earred pages and underlined and circled perfect articulations of love and confusion and life. but really, if she hadnt so beautifully and willingly put up with the dog-earred pages and underlined and circled parts of my real life, she wouldnt have asked to borrow it in the first place.
in the past week or so, i've been lucky enough to be reminded several times why my life is pretty damn ok. i've been reminded just as many times why it could suck, but for now, for at least the past 24 hours and the next 12 or so, i've chosen to ignore that part. ive been stuck in an undefined emotion that i lazily refer to as restlessness. but really, its not restlessness. because i am happy. and there have been some really amazing people lately who in big ways and small have reminded me why.
a friend who has no business knowing me this well after not really being friends for the last year or so has returned to my life with some inspiration. i dont want to dream of furniture, of buying a new hat, or of owning matching silverware.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
i may be a few days late, but here's my list.
thanks for:
-the purple paint on my walls
-a signed lease with two amazing girls
-being almost, finally finally out of words
-friends who miss me as much as i miss them
-spring '10 with a very dear, albeit cynical, friend
-having two incredible options for this summer
-the successful, almost jacobs-status banana pudding i made
-my new sweatshirt, i.e. the most comfortable thing ive ever worn
-siblings who make me laugh so hard that we make a scene in public places
-people who call at the exact right moment
-the tricked out sound system in josh dinner's car
-reunions
-good books
-"falling in love for a second"
-a school i enjoy
-the purple paint on my walls
-a signed lease with two amazing girls
-being almost, finally finally out of words
-friends who miss me as much as i miss them
-spring '10 with a very dear, albeit cynical, friend
-having two incredible options for this summer
-the successful, almost jacobs-status banana pudding i made
-my new sweatshirt, i.e. the most comfortable thing ive ever worn
-siblings who make me laugh so hard that we make a scene in public places
-people who call at the exact right moment
-the tricked out sound system in josh dinner's car
-reunions
-good books
-"falling in love for a second"
-a school i enjoy
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
this is what it feels like in fall, and also how to say it better than i can:
by derek c. brown:
Aren’t you sick of being appraised wholesale?
Aren’t you sick of sailing on listing ships?
Aren’t you weary from playing cellos with ex-lover’s bones?
I want the butterfly brigade to grant me a year with no stomach problems.
I want to affix the word un-blame in the dictionary
so I can screw up your spell check
and so I can call him without shaking.
I want a piano that will not warp outdoors
when the rain demands slow dancing.
I want to know how to sashay on a Saturday
with a mouth full of sa-tay… with Latter day Saints.
I want to skew the difference between Tai Chi and Chai tea, and end up drinking a tall glass of graceful force.
I want to lick my hands after I touch someone that has just become
razzle dazzled.
I want birds to come close enough to hear them speak Aviation Spanish.
I want your record collection in my throat,
and my thumb in the electric ass of the all night jukebox.
I want my shoulder blades mounted in the museum of knives.
I want church in a bar. I want to pass out and hear you say Amen.
I want a skeleton night light in the closet.
I want your wow in my now so we become NWOW.
I want the light in your attic to shine down to where the sidewalk ends.
I want free shit to not cost anything.
I want you to feel like a disco ball of fish hooks
so you can hang on my words and I can spin in your small miracles of light.
I want my kitchen to be a Brazilian dance floor
with a pot of your sweat in the oven
and a fridge stocked with butt lust.
I want new sheets.
I want your silver muscles cut into a quilt. Let me sleep under your strength.
I want more pony lamps.
I want to sing this into all tail pipes until I’m exhausted.
I want to smell everything.
I want to remember that the sky is so gorgeously large, I feel stranded beneath it.
When I gasp,
I only want to gasp for more
Aren’t you sick of being appraised wholesale?
Aren’t you sick of sailing on listing ships?
Aren’t you weary from playing cellos with ex-lover’s bones?
I want the butterfly brigade to grant me a year with no stomach problems.
I want to affix the word un-blame in the dictionary
so I can screw up your spell check
and so I can call him without shaking.
I want a piano that will not warp outdoors
when the rain demands slow dancing.
I want to know how to sashay on a Saturday
with a mouth full of sa-tay… with Latter day Saints.
I want to skew the difference between Tai Chi and Chai tea, and end up drinking a tall glass of graceful force.
I want to lick my hands after I touch someone that has just become
razzle dazzled.
I want birds to come close enough to hear them speak Aviation Spanish.
I want your record collection in my throat,
and my thumb in the electric ass of the all night jukebox.
I want my shoulder blades mounted in the museum of knives.
I want church in a bar. I want to pass out and hear you say Amen.
I want a skeleton night light in the closet.
I want your wow in my now so we become NWOW.
I want the light in your attic to shine down to where the sidewalk ends.
I want free shit to not cost anything.
I want you to feel like a disco ball of fish hooks
so you can hang on my words and I can spin in your small miracles of light.
I want my kitchen to be a Brazilian dance floor
with a pot of your sweat in the oven
and a fridge stocked with butt lust.
I want new sheets.
I want your silver muscles cut into a quilt. Let me sleep under your strength.
I want more pony lamps.
I want to sing this into all tail pipes until I’m exhausted.
I want to smell everything.
I want to remember that the sky is so gorgeously large, I feel stranded beneath it.
When I gasp,
I only want to gasp for more
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
blue is my new favorite color!
i'm in awe.
really.
there isn't much to say that hasn't been said.
the emotions, the impact, the historical value, the puppy that two very lucky girls were promised by their dad.
but also, i was on tv!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/22887 506#27547326
really.
there isn't much to say that hasn't been said.
the emotions, the impact, the historical value, the puppy that two very lucky girls were promised by their dad.
but also, i was on tv!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/22887 506#27547326
Monday, November 3, 2008
everyone is a burning sun
today, i got pissed.
in my modern middle eastern politics class, my teacher had the chutzpah to present to the class two representations of culture, one from the Zionist perspective and one from the Palestinian.
the zionist: barbra streisand, in all her jewfro-ed glory, singing Hatikivah
the palestinian: a rap song containing the lyrics: "i'm the terrorist? YOU'RE the terrorist"
the juxtaposition of the two artistic representations were naive and ridiculous. to compare a legitimate country's national anthem to a pop song (that, i may add, he was singing along to) just seemed...so odd for a man of his intellect and well-versed knowledge of the subject.
but what i'm also realizing is that I'm THRILLED about how pissed I got. Sure, there are subjects that I can learn without bias. Finite math? I trust good ol' Mihai Chuku to tell me whats up. Comparative lit? I know sweet ms. Ursula Paleczek will watch out for my MLA format. but this is different.
in NFTY i was never the spokesperson. Sure, in the grand scheme of things I believe that i did positive things by holding my positions in the realm of membership and communication. locally, specifically. i mean lets face it, i introduced my region to the beauty that is The Monster Truck Rally. BUT. i was never the spokesperson for israel. i know for a fact that people know more than i do, and i was never really in the position to argue. i more so collected facts and information and perspectives and either dismissed, stored, or adopted them.
but to be so deeply moved by this stupid playing of a youtube clip by a professor...i'm just glad i feel something about it, i guess.
and i sort of wish that i hadn't voted already because i feel like voting for something that i DO have a say in would be the logical action to take after being shaken like this. all i can do is hope that others vote. that others feel the same sense of "i have to get up and DO something." that someone else gets to class next time we meet and asks why the hell he chose those two clips.
in my modern middle eastern politics class, my teacher had the chutzpah to present to the class two representations of culture, one from the Zionist perspective and one from the Palestinian.
the zionist: barbra streisand, in all her jewfro-ed glory, singing Hatikivah
the palestinian: a rap song containing the lyrics: "i'm the terrorist? YOU'RE the terrorist"
the juxtaposition of the two artistic representations were naive and ridiculous. to compare a legitimate country's national anthem to a pop song (that, i may add, he was singing along to) just seemed...so odd for a man of his intellect and well-versed knowledge of the subject.
but what i'm also realizing is that I'm THRILLED about how pissed I got. Sure, there are subjects that I can learn without bias. Finite math? I trust good ol' Mihai Chuku to tell me whats up. Comparative lit? I know sweet ms. Ursula Paleczek will watch out for my MLA format. but this is different.
in NFTY i was never the spokesperson. Sure, in the grand scheme of things I believe that i did positive things by holding my positions in the realm of membership and communication. locally, specifically. i mean lets face it, i introduced my region to the beauty that is The Monster Truck Rally. BUT. i was never the spokesperson for israel. i know for a fact that people know more than i do, and i was never really in the position to argue. i more so collected facts and information and perspectives and either dismissed, stored, or adopted them.
but to be so deeply moved by this stupid playing of a youtube clip by a professor...i'm just glad i feel something about it, i guess.
and i sort of wish that i hadn't voted already because i feel like voting for something that i DO have a say in would be the logical action to take after being shaken like this. all i can do is hope that others vote. that others feel the same sense of "i have to get up and DO something." that someone else gets to class next time we meet and asks why the hell he chose those two clips.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
ain't it funny how time slips away
i'm reading a book about a man who loses his memory. it isn't about the technical stuff. the how, the why, the chemical connections and vibrations and complications.
what it is about is how his relationship with his wife is affected. he was a full person, with a full past, a full future. and the book so beautifully describes his desperation and overwhelming sense of "do i want to be who i was?"
those of us without the luxury of forgetting must deal with this question the normal way. no eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. days and months and minutes of remembering and realizing and analyzing. wondering who remembers what and if you've made an impact on someone. a kiss, a conversation, an infinite moment.
a few weeks ago, i was home and saw a painting. "You Are Already Whole" it told me, the finger-painted childishness of it almost made me feel pathetic for feeling so moved.
i just wonder: am i?
what it is about is how his relationship with his wife is affected. he was a full person, with a full past, a full future. and the book so beautifully describes his desperation and overwhelming sense of "do i want to be who i was?"
those of us without the luxury of forgetting must deal with this question the normal way. no eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. days and months and minutes of remembering and realizing and analyzing. wondering who remembers what and if you've made an impact on someone. a kiss, a conversation, an infinite moment.
a few weeks ago, i was home and saw a painting. "You Are Already Whole" it told me, the finger-painted childishness of it almost made me feel pathetic for feeling so moved.
i just wonder: am i?
Sunday, October 19, 2008
how long till my soul gets it right
i just burned my tongue on my soup.
and
i wore long sleeves to a party last night.
and
i have invested in tons of chapstick.
and
cough drops.
and
i open my window instead of turning on the air conditioning.
all of these events must mean one thing: fall.
and with fall comes crunching leaves and changing weather and nostaliga and hot chocolate and layered clothing and new music moods and a lack of flip flops and taking a deep breath and meeting new people.
theres this quote that i wrote down and taped to my desk:
"in the depths of winter I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."
and
i wore long sleeves to a party last night.
and
i have invested in tons of chapstick.
and
cough drops.
and
i open my window instead of turning on the air conditioning.
all of these events must mean one thing: fall.
and with fall comes crunching leaves and changing weather and nostaliga and hot chocolate and layered clothing and new music moods and a lack of flip flops and taking a deep breath and meeting new people.
theres this quote that i wrote down and taped to my desk:
"in the depths of winter I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."
Saturday, October 11, 2008
all i can be is me whoever that is.
as i type this, i'm falling in love with the I'm Not There soundtrack. its the bands I like anyway singing really great bob dylan songs. not all of them are great and some combinations are a little weird. i feel a little like a tool cause i havent actually seen the movie yet, but for now, its quite lovely.
i'm having trouble being a good student here. and its not because i dont try and its not because i go out and party all the time. i feel like theres just this sort of disconnect between how i WANT to be doing in class and how i AM doing. i feel like i've lost my ability to write a good essay, i get frustrated so easily by math, i have to look at my reading assignments without actually reading them. and its not like the material is harder than last year. in fact most of the time its easier. and yet.
i've felt a little bit so far during the first few days of this new year like i've been sleep walking, and im not sure why. i'm not unhappy. i'm not. but i definitely cant figure this one out.
tomorrow my dad is picking me up and we're going to two shows. i love that i can do that. seriously. im in no way homesick, but the fact that i'll be laying on my couch tomorrow finishing up my homework and then going to Evil Dead: The Musical just really sounds pretty magical. can't beat that.
i'm having trouble being a good student here. and its not because i dont try and its not because i go out and party all the time. i feel like theres just this sort of disconnect between how i WANT to be doing in class and how i AM doing. i feel like i've lost my ability to write a good essay, i get frustrated so easily by math, i have to look at my reading assignments without actually reading them. and its not like the material is harder than last year. in fact most of the time its easier. and yet.
i've felt a little bit so far during the first few days of this new year like i've been sleep walking, and im not sure why. i'm not unhappy. i'm not. but i definitely cant figure this one out.
tomorrow my dad is picking me up and we're going to two shows. i love that i can do that. seriously. im in no way homesick, but the fact that i'll be laying on my couch tomorrow finishing up my homework and then going to Evil Dead: The Musical just really sounds pretty magical. can't beat that.
Monday, October 6, 2008
oh america.
http://www.236.com/video/2008/watch_vp_debate_in_a_minute_9334.php
http://www.236.com/video/2008/watch_first_presidential_debat_1_9186.php
http://www.236.com/video/2008/watch_first_presidential_debat_1_9186.php
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
i tried to do headstands for you
tonight is new year's eve.
there may be no dick clark, no times square ball drop, no fireworks. but as i rush from my middle eastern politics class to my McNutt erev rosh hashanah dinner, i'll feel the same thing i've been feeling the past week or so. that something new, something big, is on its way.
the first few weeks of school, i found myself looking at my life here as a distraction. looking for things to get my mind off other things. things far away, things long ago, things i gave up on or that gave up on me. but what i've noticed is that the life i was distracting myself with is slowly becoming the life ive been looking for. sure, it's only been a month, but something about this place feels good.
i've never been one for resolutions. why limit changing your behavior based on the change in calendar year? why not do things right now? why not be a better version of yourself today? but in the spirit of this change in season, i will make a new years wish. and that is that i hope my life here at IU continues to remind me of the new ipod commercial. vibrant, silly, full of energy, and with just a touch of "what the hell is she singing about?"
there may be no dick clark, no times square ball drop, no fireworks. but as i rush from my middle eastern politics class to my McNutt erev rosh hashanah dinner, i'll feel the same thing i've been feeling the past week or so. that something new, something big, is on its way.
the first few weeks of school, i found myself looking at my life here as a distraction. looking for things to get my mind off other things. things far away, things long ago, things i gave up on or that gave up on me. but what i've noticed is that the life i was distracting myself with is slowly becoming the life ive been looking for. sure, it's only been a month, but something about this place feels good.
i've never been one for resolutions. why limit changing your behavior based on the change in calendar year? why not do things right now? why not be a better version of yourself today? but in the spirit of this change in season, i will make a new years wish. and that is that i hope my life here at IU continues to remind me of the new ipod commercial. vibrant, silly, full of energy, and with just a touch of "what the hell is she singing about?"
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
things that bring me back to full Emily potential
cowboy boots
strawberry powerade zero
getting dressed listening to Buzzin by shwazye
my modern middle eastern politics class
papermate flair pens
my huge tv remote
text messages
a new context for jason mraz songs
nostalgia-inducing pictures
rekindled friendshps
sharp cheddar cheese
First Day Of My Life by bright eyes
aquafresh toothpaste
jonah's "I am barack obama and i approve this message" messages
barack obama
glow-in-the-dark stars
strawberry powerade zero
getting dressed listening to Buzzin by shwazye
my modern middle eastern politics class
papermate flair pens
my huge tv remote
text messages
a new context for jason mraz songs
nostalgia-inducing pictures
rekindled friendshps
sharp cheddar cheese
First Day Of My Life by bright eyes
aquafresh toothpaste
jonah's "I am barack obama and i approve this message" messages
barack obama
glow-in-the-dark stars
Sunday, September 14, 2008
theres too much hate in the world, but not too much cookies
"I like you because
When I tell you something special
You know it's special
And you remember it
A long long time
You say
Remember when you told me
Something special
And both of us remember."
attached to a breathtaking letter, i recieved a book yesterday. i recieved this book from someone who deserves everything good about life, but instead of waiting for it, she spreads that goodness to other people. its amazing, really.
"I like you because
You know when it's time to stop being silly
Maybe day after tomorrow
Maybe never
Oops too late
it's quarter past silly"
this weekend, i was silly. it's one of my favorite emotions, but one i'm terrible at faking when i'm not up for it. last weekend--i was not lighthearted and relaxed. this weekend, something clicked and i was just loopy enough and just goofy enough and just balanced enough to have a really great time.
"And I like you because
When I am feeling sad
You don't always cheer me up right away
Sometimes it is better to be sad
You can't stand the others being so googly and gaggly every single minute
You want to think about things
it takes time."
And meanwhile, I'm sometimes completely overwhelmed by this beautiful friendship i still have with my william miller, all the way across the country. he's in the real world, doing real things, making real impacts. i'm sitting at my desk writing a response for j-hist. in some ways im so jealous and in some ways i'm so scared of that infinite abyss to come. yesterday i was on the phone for two hours with ahillels trying to figure out how to study abroad together next year. sometimes i feel like just so weird and lonely and other times i cant do anything but smile and sigh because i do have truly amazing people in my life.
"I would go on choosing you
And you would go on choosing me
Over and over again."
sometimes i wish things worked out the way i thought they would. sometimes i cant help but think they still might. in the meantime, usually, i think i'm doing pretty ok.
When I tell you something special
You know it's special
And you remember it
A long long time
You say
Remember when you told me
Something special
And both of us remember."
attached to a breathtaking letter, i recieved a book yesterday. i recieved this book from someone who deserves everything good about life, but instead of waiting for it, she spreads that goodness to other people. its amazing, really.
"I like you because
You know when it's time to stop being silly
Maybe day after tomorrow
Maybe never
Oops too late
it's quarter past silly"
this weekend, i was silly. it's one of my favorite emotions, but one i'm terrible at faking when i'm not up for it. last weekend--i was not lighthearted and relaxed. this weekend, something clicked and i was just loopy enough and just goofy enough and just balanced enough to have a really great time.
"And I like you because
When I am feeling sad
You don't always cheer me up right away
Sometimes it is better to be sad
You can't stand the others being so googly and gaggly every single minute
You want to think about things
it takes time."
And meanwhile, I'm sometimes completely overwhelmed by this beautiful friendship i still have with my william miller, all the way across the country. he's in the real world, doing real things, making real impacts. i'm sitting at my desk writing a response for j-hist. in some ways im so jealous and in some ways i'm so scared of that infinite abyss to come. yesterday i was on the phone for two hours with ahillels trying to figure out how to study abroad together next year. sometimes i feel like just so weird and lonely and other times i cant do anything but smile and sigh because i do have truly amazing people in my life.
"I would go on choosing you
And you would go on choosing me
Over and over again."
sometimes i wish things worked out the way i thought they would. sometimes i cant help but think they still might. in the meantime, usually, i think i'm doing pretty ok.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
the view from saturday
a few thoughts, but its still morning on a saturday, so i dont have enough energy or motivation to form them into full blog-tastic content.
1. my campers are still writing me letters and emails. how could i NOT want to go back next summer?
2. i read through part of my old journal-y thing yesterday from israel and senior year and i was funny. i also find myself in some eerily similar situations.
3. facebook statuses. stati? just: oy.
4. work started yesterday. although it's not the most glamorous, i dont have to walk far and i learned how to make various starbucks coffee creations. ooo. fancy!
5. my desk is sort of messy, but also very colorful.
6. i miss my sisters and jonah.
7. i dont have season tickets, but i hope that i can sit in the student section at the game today because i actually want to attend a school-sponsored sporting event. plus i have a really cute shirt that has footballs on it.
8. the top bunk isnt too bad.
9. asz is one of the best friends a girl can have.
10. i love that the basement of my building rents out dvds...like season three of entourage. yay!
1. my campers are still writing me letters and emails. how could i NOT want to go back next summer?
2. i read through part of my old journal-y thing yesterday from israel and senior year and i was funny. i also find myself in some eerily similar situations.
3. facebook statuses. stati? just: oy.
4. work started yesterday. although it's not the most glamorous, i dont have to walk far and i learned how to make various starbucks coffee creations. ooo. fancy!
5. my desk is sort of messy, but also very colorful.
6. i miss my sisters and jonah.
7. i dont have season tickets, but i hope that i can sit in the student section at the game today because i actually want to attend a school-sponsored sporting event. plus i have a really cute shirt that has footballs on it.
8. the top bunk isnt too bad.
9. asz is one of the best friends a girl can have.
10. i love that the basement of my building rents out dvds...like season three of entourage. yay!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime.
yep. on my first saturday night at IU, party school extraordinare, i am blogging. WOOOO i'm awesome.
anyway, during my last three adventure-filled nights, ive had a lot of fun, so dont you go thinking that i havent had my share of IU life thus far. (who am i kidding, maggie harry is the only one who reads this. i miss you tons and tons and tons, by the way)
but my friend MICHAEL (see. i mentioned you. love you.) raised an interesting question. am i happier lost in a big school than stuck in a small school? this isnt even really a blog-worthy question, because my definite answer is yes.
what is interesting is that i already see myself using my old clark ways as my comfort zone. i see myself wanting to skip stuff to stay in and watch movies and stay laid back. but i also see myself reaching out and branching out, at least a little bit here and there. i know i'm using what clark didnt have to emphasize the good of what IU does. which is exactly why, as miserable as i was, i have no regrets about clark last year.
and the good part is: as i look around at my desk--the glow-in-the-dark stars, the jonah drawings, the hangy jewish star mobile thingy, the HUGE glasses katie and i bought as a joke...the essence of me is here. the outline of who i was and who i'm becoming. i have the chance, in these acres of trees and thousands of people, to make room for a better version of myself.
anyway, during my last three adventure-filled nights, ive had a lot of fun, so dont you go thinking that i havent had my share of IU life thus far. (who am i kidding, maggie harry is the only one who reads this. i miss you tons and tons and tons, by the way)
but my friend MICHAEL (see. i mentioned you. love you.) raised an interesting question. am i happier lost in a big school than stuck in a small school? this isnt even really a blog-worthy question, because my definite answer is yes.
what is interesting is that i already see myself using my old clark ways as my comfort zone. i see myself wanting to skip stuff to stay in and watch movies and stay laid back. but i also see myself reaching out and branching out, at least a little bit here and there. i know i'm using what clark didnt have to emphasize the good of what IU does. which is exactly why, as miserable as i was, i have no regrets about clark last year.
and the good part is: as i look around at my desk--the glow-in-the-dark stars, the jonah drawings, the hangy jewish star mobile thingy, the HUGE glasses katie and i bought as a joke...the essence of me is here. the outline of who i was and who i'm becoming. i have the chance, in these acres of trees and thousands of people, to make room for a better version of myself.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
i guess we'll see.
"ever since i've had the shop, we've been trying to flog a record by a group called the Sid James Experience. Usually, we get rid of the stuff we can't move--reduce it to 10p, or throw it away--but Barry loves this album (he's got two copies of his own, just in case somebody borrows one and fails to return it), and he says it's rare, and that someday we'll make somebody very happy. It's become a bit of a joke, really. Regular customers ask after its health, and give it a friendly pat when they're browsing, and sometimes they bring the sleeve up to the counter as if they're going to buy it, and then say 'Just Kidding!' and put it back where they found it.
Anyway, on Friday morning, this guy I've never seen before starts flicking through the 'British Pop S-Z section,' lets out a gasp of amazement and rushes up to the counter, clutching the sleeve to his chest as if he's afraid someone will snatch it from him. And then he gets out his wallet and pays for it, seven quid, just like that, no attempt to haggle, no recognition of the significance of what he is doing. I let Barry serve him--it's his moment--and Dick and I watch every move, holding our breath; it's like someone has walked in, tipped petrol over himself, and produced a box of matches from his pocket. We don't exhale until he's struck the match and set himself alight, and when he's gone we laugh and laugh and laugh. It gives up all strength: if someone can just walk in and buy the Sid James Experience album, then surely anything good can happen at any time."
Anyway, on Friday morning, this guy I've never seen before starts flicking through the 'British Pop S-Z section,' lets out a gasp of amazement and rushes up to the counter, clutching the sleeve to his chest as if he's afraid someone will snatch it from him. And then he gets out his wallet and pays for it, seven quid, just like that, no attempt to haggle, no recognition of the significance of what he is doing. I let Barry serve him--it's his moment--and Dick and I watch every move, holding our breath; it's like someone has walked in, tipped petrol over himself, and produced a box of matches from his pocket. We don't exhale until he's struck the match and set himself alight, and when he's gone we laugh and laugh and laugh. It gives up all strength: if someone can just walk in and buy the Sid James Experience album, then surely anything good can happen at any time."
Friday, August 15, 2008
...i know that i'm naive...
and then there are moments like this where im scared and nervous and not ready in the slightest to be ok with things.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
i am 16, going on 17...
according to the old 97's, nineteen is not the age of reason.
i would agree with them. i dont feel exceptionally wise or powerful or insightful today. nineteen doesnt reward you with a drivers license or an R-rated movie or a lottery ticket or a cocktail.
but i'm ok with that. im at a stage in my life where im not really looking for epic. well thats a lie. i'm always looking for epic. i'm always up for something infinite. but the up and down of this year should have driven me absolutely insane. it almost did. maybe with all the windiness, i'm ready for a little smooth sailing. (see, theres STILL so much magnificence!)
but let me tell you. i LOVED 18. i think i wore it well. i laughed, i cried, i fell in love, i fell out of touch, i met new people, i made friends, i made enemies, i made a mess, i made an impact.
but i think i'm ready for a new year. to start fresh. not start over, because i think that everything that you do today is impacted by the things you did yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. but. everyone deserves a chance to take a deep breath and re-articulate and re-adjust, and i think i'm ready for that chance.
i would agree with them. i dont feel exceptionally wise or powerful or insightful today. nineteen doesnt reward you with a drivers license or an R-rated movie or a lottery ticket or a cocktail.
but i'm ok with that. im at a stage in my life where im not really looking for epic. well thats a lie. i'm always looking for epic. i'm always up for something infinite. but the up and down of this year should have driven me absolutely insane. it almost did. maybe with all the windiness, i'm ready for a little smooth sailing. (see, theres STILL so much magnificence!)
but let me tell you. i LOVED 18. i think i wore it well. i laughed, i cried, i fell in love, i fell out of touch, i met new people, i made friends, i made enemies, i made a mess, i made an impact.
but i think i'm ready for a new year. to start fresh. not start over, because i think that everything that you do today is impacted by the things you did yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. but. everyone deserves a chance to take a deep breath and re-articulate and re-adjust, and i think i'm ready for that chance.
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